THIS EPISODE IS A CARTOON: WATCH IT ON YOUTUBE!
...this is the audio version of an animated tale about the magical Electric Forest music festival in Rothbury, MI. The episode follows a group of 8 relative strangers-turned Forest Family, who embark on a mythical quest to save the vibes of Sherwood Forest. Part 1 of 2.
Illustrated, written, performed, edited, and music by host Kirk Ross. Additional music by Christopher Tallon, and HILTON.
ATTIC LINKS
THIS EPISODE IS A CARTOON: WATCH IT ON YOUTUBE!
...this is the audio version of an animated tale about the magical Electric Forest music festival in Rothbury, MI. The episode follows a group of 8 relative strangers-turned Forest Family, who embark on a mythical quest to save the vibes of Sherwood Forest. Part 1 of 2.
Illustrated, written, performed, edited, and music by host Kirk Ross. Additional music by Christopher Tallon, and HILTON.
ATTIC LINKS
FOREST FAM, UNITE! A Storybook Quest Through Electric Forest
ACT 1: Meet the Fam
We open on an eclectic group of festival goers, decked out in garb that represents each individual as its unique self, standing around a beautiful willow tree in the middle of The Good Life Sherwood Court camping section.
There’s the classic Phish-head in James in tie-dye and cargos.
There’s the Janis Joplin in Lo Ray, draped in earth toned layers made entirely of hemp.
There’s the Trinity Wook in Keegan, wearing an all-black body suit and an up-do.
Jessica and Kirk are rocking their Hawaii 5-O silkies and Air Force Ones.
Will’s in a notorious BIG jersey…just in case a basketball game were to erupt later. There’s always one basketball jersey in the group, isn’t there?
Camo Chris is in all green, presumably so he can do some recon work later…I can’t imagine we’ll need any recon work in a mythical quest like this, though.
This group of relative strangers had quickly become family. Those of you who have attended Electric Forest know exactly what I mean.
But no Forest Fam is complete without a father figure, which brings me to Daryl aka RAVE DADDY aka first-time festival-goer and novice drug-user.
Why would Daryl even be there, you might ask? Allow me to introduce you to Morgan, an independent badass robbed directly from the cradle by Daryl himself, 25 years the elder to his girlfriend.
After spending the first two days apart on their separate paths, today was to be different.
The crew was prepared for a night together. For a unified group march through the concert grounds.
But not before some last-minute provisions were handled by a few.
“Open wide, everybody. Now set that little tab right on your tongue.” Chris mutters in his Boston accent.
“Do we have to let it dissolve or is that just a Hollywood myth?” Kirk quips.
“I swallowed mine yesterday, and it didn’t disappoint.” Keegan for the win.
Ahh, the come-up to a pre-dusk LSD trip: nothing brings more anticipation and anxiety than that, folks.
“Let’s get in there! Let’s go.” Jessica shouts, rousing us from our acidic malaise.
“The String Cheese Incident starts in 30!” Lo Ray chimes in.
“Chris, have you told everyone about your string cheese incident?” James asks.
“Nobody needs to hear that shit, James.”
The squad urges him to share it.
“I’m lactose intolerant all right? And I’d worn a white tuxedo to prom that year. Ok?” Chris fires back, defensively.
Will is beside himself: “Wow, that’s gross. I truly wish you hadn’t shared that.”
“Let’s go!”
And with that disgusting poop story, the group had finally begun its amble from the campground to the venue.
They knew they were in for a special night.
But there’s no way they could have anticipated the adventure waiting for them inside the forest.
OPENING CREDITS (SHOW THE GROUP MOVING THROUGH THE LINE WITH THE SUN GOING DOWN.)
ACT 2: The Quest is Bequeathed
The night is young, and the ultimate set of the festival - The String Cheese Incident’s finale named “Shebang”, as in “The Whole Shebang” - is due to start in 15 minutes.
Kirk assembles the crew for a quick pep talk.
“Friends, lovers, Daryl, we’ve got 15 minutes to walk a half-mile upstream. Along the way, we’ll be faced with lasers, and statues, and actors, and flow artists. We’ll be tempted to stop at the Honeycomb Stage and The Observatory. We’ll see nipples and asses and dicks and balls.”
“Praise be!” James shouts out.
“But we cannot let any of these DISTRACTIONS, and that’s what these things are - distractions,” Kirk continues, “we mustn’t let them veer us from our path. For String Cheese’s Shebang is set to begin, and the Shebang, my friends, waits for no man, in the gender-neutral sense.”
“Everyone, synchronize your watches on 3,” Chris demands. “3…2…1….we’re off!”
The group is off, like mid-summer salmon swimming upstream.
Like clockwork, the team ignores the incredible sensory adventures all around them as they pass through the gates and into Sherwood Forest.
“Focus, Morgan! There’ll be time for The Library later.”
“Not now, Will. You can spin your bow staff after the Shebang.”
“James? James? James!!! We can swing gently in hammocks as time permits, but not now!”
By some miracle, the group is still in tact.
Chris checks his watch, “We made it through the forest in under 7 minutes. Now for the final stretch through the umbrella ceiling!”
The final stretch appears before them. Soon they’ll be settled in at the Shebang.
Suddenly, Keegan’s eyes fixate and she’s drawn immediately to the edge of the umbrella walkway.
“Guys, give me a minute,” she requests.
“One minute; that’s it,” Chris replies.
“Who is this little guy, I wonder? WHAT! Is this little guy?” Keegan mutters to herself as she drones forward into what appears to be darkness to everybody else.
“Hello, Keegan. You can relax. It’s just you and me now,” echoes from the darkness.
“Reveal yourself!”
Suddenly, a spirit appears.
“My name is Sherlock, Goddess of Good Vibes here at Electric Forest. I come to you in peace, love, unity and respect.”
“PLUR all day,” Keegan fires back.
“Then in the name of PLUR, do you accept the mission at hand?”
“Yes, Sherlock, Goddess of Good Vibes, I accept your mission. What must we do?”
“Keegan! You doing all right? We’ve got to roll out.” Chris shouts from afar.
“Keegan, you and your newfound Forest Fam have demonstrated PLUR all week, but you’ll have to take that up a notch if you are to save the fate of the Forest.”
“Anything, Sherlock. Anything!”
“Your first checkpoint is the Giving Tree, a once beautiful tribute to the selfless nature of this magical festival. It has become overrun with trinkets and trash, so you’ll have to work hard to find the Diamond of Dust Defiance.”
“Giving Tree. Trash. Diamond of Dust Defiance. Giving Tree. Trash. Diamond of Dust Defiance.” Keegan repeats to herself to ensure she retains the orders.
“Go now, Keegan. You and your friends. The fate of the forest is in your hands now. Godspeed.” Sherlock’s voice disappears into the distance as Keegan searches for her new spirit guide, but she’s gone.
“Listen everybody, I know this sounds crazy. But we’ve been given a mission to save the festival. Let me explain…”
“No need to explain, Keegan. We trust you. And we’re in.” Lo Ray breaks her silence with her confidence in Keegan.
“To the Giving Tree!” Chris exclaims.
We find the entire group wading through the garbage pile surrounding the Giving Tree.
Kirk and James use their height to peer high into the branches.
Will and Jessica turn on their flow toys to provide light for the search.
Daryl, known for his keen olfactory sense, begins sniffing like a bloodhound.
“I think I found it!” Jessica shouts out. “Nope, never mind, the isn’t a diamond at all…just a huge chunk of Molly.”
Morgan jumps up from a pile of spaghetti with what is sure to be the object of their search.
“Here it is! Here it is! Daryl sniffed out this pile of pasta and I headbanged my way through the sauce to find the Diamond of Dust Defiance!”
An intense white light blasts from the stone as Morgan holds it to the heavens to share her bounty with the group.
In the middle of the light appears a giant wizard.
“I am Wandu, the Wizard of Wonder. And you are Morgan, who doth findeth the Diamond of Dust Defiance. With it you must travel to the Tripolee Stage, where conditions have become borderline asthmatic, and activate this righteous jewel. Go there now.”
“But how do I activate it?” Morgan pleads.
“There were instructions taped to the bottom.”
“I’m not seeing them…”
“Damnit, Greg, I told you the instructions would fall off in the spaghetti!”
Daryl pops up, eating a face full of noodles. “I believe it’s this owner’s manual we’re searching for?”
“To Tripolee!”
As the team wades its way into the hazy cloud of Tripolee, their visibility is stricken.
They wave their arms to clear a bubble of breathable air as they huddle up to strategize.
Kirk kneels in the center of their formation with the stained owners manual in hand.
“Step 1. Procure 10,000 gallons of water and place in the center of the Tripolee crowd. Wow, even this mission is a cash grab. Trying to get us to purchase 80,000 bottles of water….”
James jumps in, “Well, in all fairness, they do allow us to bring in unopened containers and offer free filling stations.”
“James, you magnificent bastard! Here’s what we’re going to do…”
“We head over to the nearest filling station, where surely a line will impede our progress. So we’ll need a distraction.”
“What if I start spinning my staff really well over there?” Will asks.
“Or I could do my patented all-fours Twerk move, that’ll draw a crowd,” Jess adds.
“I’ve got something even better.” Kirk turns to Daryl, sweaty, coughing, and nodding off in exhaustion.
“Daryl…Dad…you’re in rough shape. You’ve got very little time left tonight anyway. How do you feel about playing possum?” Kirk asks.
“Daryl…Daryl…Daryl!”
He awakes from a slumber. “Possum, yea. Play possum, sure,” he affirms.
“To the filling station!”
James steps forward, putting his booming voice to work. “Oh no! That sweaty guy in the Rave Daddy t-shirt just died! Everybody, come help!”
Suddenly, thousands of concerned wooks scatter from the Filling Station line and surround Papa Possum.
The diversion is in place, but the group can’t budge the giant water tankers.
Lucky for the group, Chris had been doing some recon.
BEEP BEEP BEEP…”clear the way! Coming through! Move it!”
Chris had hot-wired the crane positioned for reasons unknown behind the Shebang stage.
With expertise, Chris picks up the tanker and slowly lowers it over to the Tripolee sound booth.
The team is huddled again, with Kirk franticly shouting out the remaining instructions.
“Step 2! Drop the Diamond of Dust Defiance directly into the 10,000 gallons of water.”
The air conditions worsen as audible coughs and groans grow in prevalence.
“Morgan, now! Drop it in!”
Bloop…the gemstone sinks fast to the bottom of the tank. But alas, nothing has happened.
“Oh no, it looks like we’re 20 ounces short!” James alerts.
“Somebody, anybody! We need more water!” Kirk shouts out.
COP MUSIC.
“I reckon someone ordered the Law.” **COP MUSIC**
“Shit, not the police.” Jessica groans.
But these aren’t your standard Boys in Blue.
And without so much as a single second of hesitation, the 4 Michigan State Police who had been stationed at Tripolee unholstered their weapons and began squeezing their triggers.
Luckily for us, they were all carrying squirt guns. You know, water pistols.
Only at Forest, folks.
As they open-fired into the water tank, James is eyeing the 10,000 gallon mark, and as he’s about to shout, “We made it! We made it!”, the water tank explodes quietly into the air.
A massive cloud forms with lightning slashing through the mist.
“Step 3. Whoever found the Diamond of Dust Defiance must shout for all to hear: “DEFY THE DUST! RELEASE THE RAIN!”
Morgan steps up into the center of the onlookers, and with complete confidence bellows “DEFY THE DUST! RELEASE….THE…..RAIN!!!”
10,000 gallons of water pours down in a single moment. The entire festival grounds were immediately covered in a peaceful glaze of moisture.
And more importantly, the dust had settled. A collective sigh of 60,000 deep breaths was released. “Ahhhhhhh.”
A massive applause erupts from all directions.
Morgan stands atop the now empty water tanker and soaks in the applause.
Daryl, meanwhile, is on his way back to camp, where he will dump all of Morgan’s belongings from his SUV and split for Oklahoma City.
For real, that actually happened. Not very PLUR of you, Daryl. Moving on!
Chris loads everybody onto the crane and slowly makes his way back to the Shebang, where the finale is being delayed on account of the missing crane.
As they pull back around into position, a crew of roadies begins strapping the world’s largest disco ball to the end of the boom.
A foreman steps forward, “You, operating the crane. I don’t know who you are, but you got moves, kid. Now what do you say you fire that fucking disco ball up and drop it over the stage during this first song.”
“Are you sure, sir? I’m not even licensed to operate this thing.” Chris retorts.
“Maybe I should introduce myself. My name is Foredast, the spiritual supervisor of this part of the woods. You’ve already met my friends Sherlock and Wandu. You’ll be fine.” Foredast suddenly glows a translucent gold, which was all the sign Chris needed to move forward.
“I’ll take it from here, guys. You get in there watch the Shebang! I’ll meet you in there shortly!”
“Godspeed, Chris. You’re a goddamned hero!” James shouts.
The crew assembles stage right between the soundstage and Ranch VIP area. The acid is finally kicking in as they hold their heads high, knowing they’ve done their part.
Roll that SHEBANG footage!
(Montage of people dancing and having fun! )
As “We are Family” begins to blast from the stage, the world’s largest disco ball is dropped in by Chris.
Massive inflatable stars are released.
Skydivers with comets strapped to their asses parachute down.
“There’s so much going on!” Kirk yells to James.
“This is what happens when Technology catches up to our psychedelic aspirations!” He replies.
“I’m having so much fun just reacting in the moment! You can’t help but be present when all this is going on!”
“And your wife seems to be on all fours, twerking. Again.”
Kirk sidles up behind her, feigning high-amplitude pelvic thrusts as fireworks explode in the skies above.
Jessica twerks. Kirk thrusts. James laughs.
“Bro, I think you’re peaking!”
“I’m peaking! I’m definitely peeaaakkkkingggg!” Kirk shouts!
“Peak, baby! Peak!” Jessica encourages.
The entire group, less Daryl of course, is finally reunited. Even Chris, who at the conclusion of “We Are Family” inexplicably hauls the world’s largest disco ball back into hiding.
This really happened, by the way. Why did String Cheese blow its wad on the first song of the Shebang?
“It’s as if we’re in bed and you tell me, ‘I just came. Can you eat me out now?” James jokes.
The group was nothing but smiles and laughs, convinced their quest was complete.
But not so fast…For the Gods and Goddesses of Sherwood Forest weren’t quite done with this crew.
COMING UP ON THE NEXT A TALK IN THE ATTIC:
FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON THE FINALE OF FOREST FAM, UNITE!