an airing of grievances

the twelve quips of christmas, pt. 2. it's a festivus miracle as kirk takes aim at a few thorns in his side: when people say "a whole 'nother"; nft's; and you.

attic links

Transcript

What’s up everybody? Today is Wednesday, December 21st, 2022. 

This is A TALK IN THE ATTIC, which means I’m your host Kirk Ross.

Yesterday I wished everyone a merry christmas, a happy hannakuh and kwanza and the general happy holidays. 

I even offered a blanket “Happy That!”, so I thought I had all my bases covered. 

But despite my efforts,  I still managed to offend someone. 

So if you weren’t satisfied with yesterday’s wishes, then please accept this jolliest of HAPPY FESTIVUS greetings. 

And while no Feats of Strength competition is on the docket, I do have a Festivus-themed episode today: 

Welcome to this, the second quip of Christmas: An Airing of Grievances.

Let me issue a warning right now: I’m about to get real BITCHY, folks. 

First in the crosshairs: a whole NOTHER. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear somebody say “Oh, well that’s a whole nother thing”

A whole nother? I wasn’t aware we were keeping track of all these nothers? 

I get it, the word ‘another’ kinda seems like a compound between “a” and “nother”, but it’s not.

It’s actually a combination of AN and OTHER. 

Next time you feel the urge to say “A whole nother”, say “a whole other” instead. You’re welcome. 

 Next up: NFT’s. 

Non-fungible tokens? More like Not fucking tangible. 

I get it, now that we’re moving into the meta verse, we need a digital way to flex. 

But get the fuck outta here with digital trading cards and digital artwork that sells for a fortune. 

The value of visual art, inflated as it may be, is that it’s real. It can be touched and felt and caressed and observed silently. 

Nobody gives a shit about your photoshopped rendering that has to be viewed by a phone. 

Maybe I’m showing my age here, but the whole concept is lost on me. 

NFT’s? Not on my watch. 

My next grievance? And this one might feel personal: YOU. 

Look at you, sitting there…looking all…YOU. 

By god, enough already. Look outside yourself for a second for Christ’s sake. 

You know what would be a Festivus miracle? You being a little bit less like you. Try that on for size, why don’t ya? 

Think back to that last interaction you had. How’d it go? Not great, did it? Fucking jerk. 

This is just a joke, people, but then again, is it? 

I bet you could be better. Try harder. Smell nicer. 

When’s the last time you showered, you piece of shit? 

Do you really need to be buy the de-shelled pistachios? The shells are there to slow you down, chump. 

It’s Festivus. Get it together. 

(That last message was brought to you by DEFLECTION. DEFLECTION: Helping assholes feel better since the dawn of time.)

Wow, that took a dark turn, didn’t it. I’d love to get into why, but that’s a whole nother thing. For a whole nother show. 

Consider the grievances AIRED. 

Back to our typically positive regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. 

Happy Festivus, and PEACE OUT everybody!