when kirk's brother-in-law couldn't make it to breakaway 2021, a music festival here in grand rapids, we enlisted the help of a 16" tall cardboard cutout called billy flats. today's episode centers on the adventurous and relentlessly hard-partying effigy. a great episode to watch on youtube! song parodies of "ballad of johnny butts" (sublime) and "rocky raccoon" (the beatles).
all the attic links!
when kirk's brother-in-law couldn't make it to breakaway 2021, a music festival here in grand rapids, we enlisted the help of a 16" tall cardboard cutout called billy flats. today's episode centers on the adventurous and relentlessly hard-partying effigy. a great episode to watch on youtube! song parodies of "ballad of johnny butts" (sublime) and "rocky raccoon" (the beatles).
all the attic links!
What’s up everybody?
Today is Friday, September 3rd, 2020.
This is A TALK IN THE ATTIC, and I’m your host Kirk Ross
Today’s installment is all about friendship.
Friends - Pals - Amigas - Comrades - Buddies - Cronies - Besties - Homeys - Chums - Confidants - the list goes on.
I love going into full thesaurus mode, rattling off synonym after ….synonym.
Hey, wait a minute… is there no synonym for the word synonym?
One of the few activities I like more than rattling synonyms off back-to-back?
Bouncing synonyms back-and-forth…with a friend.
If you’re like me, then you’ve got all sorts of different kinds of friends.
Friends from back home. Friends from right here.
Sober friends, high friends, friends who love beer.
I’ve got true friends, yea, probably false one too.
Old friends grow distant; while close ones are new.
Friends who buy in. Friends who sell out.
Facebook friends - well, not sure what that’s about.
Text friends, talk friends, friends who go dark.
Human friends, cat friends, friends who, while, BARK. (WHAT’S UP NUNZI?)
Friends from all over, from work or from school.
Friends who know Jelly, and friends from the pool. (CANNONBALL!)
Whoa, what happened there? I went from talking about friends into full-blown Shel Silverstein for a minute there. (REST EASY, SHEL!)
Basic-ass end rhyme scheme aside, the truth is friendship is what makes life worth living.
Think back on all of your favorite memories. Visualize a moment in time when you felt truly joyful…now pause!…stay inside that visual, but pause for a second and look around.
Almost all of you are seeing your friends - yes, spouses and kids and parents count as friends in this exercise.
A few of you maybe looked back on a moment of solitude. Understandable, I suppose.
And ONE of you even looked around and rather than friends saw robed figures wearing Venetian masks like in Eyes Wide Shut. Which begs a couple questions: First, you mean to tell me your favorite memory occurred at an Eyes Wide Shut party? And second, do you happen to know if there’s another one of those coming up, or? Not that I’d go or anything - we’re not those kind of people - but still, it would be funny to go, as a joke. And yea, maybe I WILL stick around all night, refusing to leave until I’ve been inside each and every guest at that particular party, but that’s my right.
Weird sex-slash-murder masks aside, even an Eyes Wide Shut guest list is filled with friends. Filled with friends who have been, are being, or soon will be Filled with friends themselves.
Group sex, people. I’m talking about group sex, okay>? Have I hammered that one home enough yet? Moving on!
Today’s episode isn’t really about friendship so much as it is about FRIENDS. Well, ONE FRIEND in particular if we’re splitting hairs here.
This particular friend is one who some of you already know. He’s someone who became a friend of mine through my love life. Through my wife.
That’s right, this is a friend who I met as a result of patterning up with Jessica. Maybe some of you have a brother- or sister-in-law who you met through your significant other too.
Today’s episode is all about my brother from another mother…one of the best dancers I know. A guy who you can’t help but feel happier whenever you’re in his presence. A truly positive and infectious personality.
I’m talking about…say it with me now…
BILLY FLATS
(Who?)
BILLY FLATS
(Who’s billy flats?)
BILLY FLATS IS THE CARDBOARD CUTOUT I MADE OF JESSICA’S BROTHER WILLIAM.
(So the episode is about William, then?)
Is the episode about William? No! Why would I make an episode about that guy?
The episode is about BILLY FLATS. The cutout itself. He’s awesome. Everyone loves him.
In fact, when I rank the best things to come of my relationship with Jessica, the top of the list is Jessica herself, duh, but right on her heels is my friendship with BILLY FLATS.
Some of you seem confused, especially if you’re listening instead of watching.
So now would be the time to implore you to switch over to YouTube for the video version of this episode, because BILLY FLATS, while great in Hi-fidelity audio, is really more of a multimedia experience.
Pause the audio, but not until after these instructions of course, pause the audio, open up the YouTube app, maybe search for “Eyes Wide Shut party”, maybe go to patreon.com/atalkintheattic and support this operation directly, even.
But once you’ve become an ATITA board member, go back to YouTube, and watch this episode. This episode all about BILLY FLATS.
But before I can tell you about Billy Flats, we’ve got to start the show…sooo
LET’S START THE SHOW
Now somewhere in the Woodward Ave Area Detroit
There lived a young boy named William Rie-fellllll
And one day his friends all agreed to go to Breakaway
A music festival in GR
But Will didn't like that
He said, “I’ve gotta work those days.”
In his place I cut him out
Of cardboard, raised hands, so we could still dance
While Will-yum Rie-fell rings the dinner bell
While Flat Billy plans to get silly.
Flat Billy had come, tight abs and flexed guns
To make your girl rethink her choices
Cuz your girlfriends it seems, Billy Flats did make cream
Embodies exactly what Will does.
Well he danced and he bobbed, his left shoe it was robbed.
But Billy Flats didn’t let that stop him.
Well Billy’s dancin’, he’s grinnin’ a grin.
Without him this whole crowd would slow down.
Cuz concerts are fun, but you shouldn’t be stunned
That friends are what make it worth living!
Now the doctor came in, askin’ where’d Billy been?
He was holding his left foot and ankle.
He said, “Billy, you met your match"
And Billy said, "Doc, it's only a scratch
And I'll be better, Doc! I’ll be better. Just let me party!”
Now Ole Billy Flats, had been in some spats
Been dropped, been stomped, and creased into pieces
Billy’s spirit lived on, and we all had such fun
In Billy Flats we trust, he’s just like Jesus!