we vacationed first class

*watch on youtube* ... in the first solo episode of season 4, kirk dives into his and Jessica's recent trip to antalya (turkey) and zürich (switzerland). you'll learn about the ancient art of hammam and turkish bathhouses and "angry endings". you'll hear about dental tourism and luxury dental turkey... and it wouldn't be a vacation without a little rainbow kitten surprise.

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SPEAKER_01 0:20

It's a mess in this attic. Lot going on, but there ain't no need to panic. Coming up and join, we getting wild, getting mad. Spitting truth for all you fanatics. It's coming straight from the brain. Yeah, it's coming straight, coming straight from the brain.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

What's up, everybody? Today is Tuesday, March 21st, 2023. This is a talk in the attic, which means I'm your host, Kirk Ross. I'm so happy to be back in the saddle today. Jessica and I have been on the road for the past couple weeks now. Uh first we spent just over a week in Turkey, Ontalia Turkey. A country surprisingly devoid of Turkey, by the way, disappointingly. Then we stopped in Zurich, Switzerland, for a couple days, and now we're finally home. Thank God. This itinerary was particularly unique because in going from US to Turkey to Switzerland, we were able to experience the full gamut of socioeconomic positioning. We left the US where we're firmly in the middle class. We went to Turkey, where we walked around like absolute royalty, buying clothes, getting taxis, buying any food that we wanted, because basically everything was essentially free. That's how cheap it was. And then we spent two days as absolute peasants in Zurich, where our first taxi ride from the Zurich airport to our hotel, which was about five miles, cost over $75, more than the combined probably 50 taxi rides we took in Turkey that entire week before. How is it that a bottled water in Switzerland costs literally 10 times the exact same bottled water in Turkey? That's a real question. I don't know. Does anybody know? If you're an economics or finance person, maybe you can explain it to me. Truly mind-boggling. Today's installment is going to focus on these travels. I'll explain a little bit about why we went to Turkey, why we went to Switzerland, I'll provide some tips and tricks for those of you looking to book your next vacations, and of course, I'll share a few lessons from the road. But before I can do that, we're gonna have to start the show. So let's start the show! We had a short conversation with a fellow American who was on her way to Los Angeles, and she asked us, Oh, why Turkey? Are you going there to support the efforts to clean up the earthquake? When we explained that no, that wasn't part of the itinerary, she seemed upset. Oh. Wow, okay, she muttered. Well, I couldn't resist. Why are you going to LA? Are you going there to help with the homelessness situation? We thought it was funnier than she did. In reality, we were going to Turkey to complete a round of dental work that we had started back in October. That's right, we went to Turkey to get our teeth worked on. Now I know what you're thinking. Are you crazy? But the fact of the matter is that Turkey is home to a massive medical tourism industry, and dentistry tops that list. Jessica had found a clinic called Luxury Dental in Ontalia in her search last year, and we couldn't be happier with our experience there, to be honest. We saved roughly 80% of the cost it would have taken here in the United States. And perhaps just importantly, we were able to get all of our dental work done in just two trips to Turkey. American dentistry, on the other hand, seems hell-bent on a highly conservative treatment plan that would have required 15 to 20 trips to the dentist for the exact same amount of work. So that's on top of the astronomical cost. Luxury dental in Ontalia caters to a patient list that's primarily comprising folks from the UK, Australia, the US. The clinic is immaculate, floor-to-ceiling marble with state-of-the-art systems in each of their 10 dental salons. Truly cool place. They had a beautiful nine-foot, super fast professional grade pool table. I spent a lot of time up there while Jessica was getting her work done. The staff there is knowledgeable and personable. The work they performed was top of the line, and overall we couldn't have asked for a better experience. Don't get me wrong. It's still dentistry. So you can still expect to have strangers digging around the most personal of space on your body, that's right, your mouth, with high RPM rotary tools, so you know it's not exactly enjoyable. But at least they're getting it done in much less time than the American counterparts. In between checkups, Jess and I walked up and down the Mediterranean coastline at an average of about 17,000 steps a day. Some of you might think that that's not much, but holy smokes, we were sore. We ate a daily average of 1.9 Doner kebabs, which is the Turkish version of Swarma. We visited their multitude of bazaars and shopping malls on a near daily basis, finding thrift shop level prices for brand new high-quality clothes. I wanted to fit in a little better, so naturally I purchased a number of tracksuits, including this white one, which didn't necessarily make me look any more Turkish, but it did make me look more like one of the thousands of Russian refugees flooding the area. And somehow appearing to be Russian in the midst of a Russian-led offensive against Ukraine was still better than looking American. During lunch one day, we had a Russian refugee as a server, and he was so excited to learn that we were from Michigan because he started spouting off all of his favorite Detroit Red Wings players. Sergei Fedorov, Larianov, Konstantinov, Pavel Datsuk. He made sure to mention that he was a big Eminem fan as well, exclaiming, lose yourself! And Oops, Mom Spaghetti! Terrible Russian accent. So we were walking all over the place, we were sore as hell, especially during the first few days of our trip. So we decided it was time to experience a good old-fashioned beatdown in the form of traditional Turkish Hamam. So we found a highly rated Turkish bathhouse and booked ourselves a massage. Hamam has origins dating back to something like the 6th century, remains a big part of Arabic culture in that whole area and the related cultures. And let me just say, having had a traditional hamam for the first time, I can see why it's remained in place for so long. First, we got all the way down to our birthday suits, wrapped our waist with a special Turkish towel called uh Peshdemol. And then we sat in a sauna where we tried not to pass out because the temperature was hovering around 190 degrees Fahrenheit. That's right, 190 degrees Fahrenheit. Next, we moved to a room made entirely of marble, behind which hot water pipes were running through conduits, basically heating up all the stone around the room and heating up the room effectively, where we lay down on a big marble slab and waited for our masseuses to enter. To my surprise, the masseuses entered wearing the same thing we had on. Basically nothing, with a tight towel wrapped around their waist, but I'm not really sure what I was expecting. I mean, what other type of attire would be appropriate in a 140-degree sweatbox? But I was still shocked to see my stocky, hairy-chested Turkish masseuse enter the room in what amounted to be little more than a loincloth. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't giggling at the prospect. After some quick introductions, he started in on me. First, pouring hot water all over my body before aggressively rubbing me down with an exfoliating scrub. Next came the foam massage, which I still don't fully understand, but that felt really relaxing, and apparently prepared my body for the full body hammering that was yet to come. Imagine yours truly, lying nearly naked on a marble slab, engulfed in a cloud of foam with a husky Turkish man strategically crawling over my limbs and trunk. Check out the YouTube version for an animated and visual idea of what I'm describing here. It was hard to tell where my met's body started and where mine ended. But it did feel good. Next, he gently poured water all over us, the foam dissipated, and then he instructed me to go to the other room and get ready on the massage table. That's where I spent the next 45 minutes getting twisted and cracked and contorted and crawled on and kneeled about. It was without a doubt the most painful massage I'd ever experienced, but as soon as it was done, I felt completely relaxed. You can't afford an angry ending? I don't know, what's an angry ending? It is just like happy ending. Except in angry ending, I punch your face till it bleeds. Uh, no thanks. The pain subsided quickly, and I felt like a six foot three jellyfish. Incredible. If you do ever have a chance to experience Hamam, be sure to jump on it. Check your Western nudity shame at the door and prepare for a mugging, but I promise you, it's worth it. The Turkish people are kind, their food is incredible, their dentists are top-notch, the hookah's or shisha are bountiful. It's an incredible place. Really is. Different than you're expecting, I bet. So next time you're considering a vacation, I hope you'll give a serious thought to visiting Antalya, Turkey. You won't regret it. And if you do regret it, email me. I'll get back to you, maybe. The final leg of our trip took us to Zurich, Switzerland. The answer to your question, hey, I wonder if there's a place where I can pay airport prices for everything. Yes, it's expensive. But damn, it's nice, it's super clean, the cars are dope. But most importantly, our favorite band, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, was playing a small venue there as part of their first world tour, which really is the only reason we even traveled to Zurich in the first place. As most of you already know, Jessica and I fell in love with each other as we were falling in love and discovering Rainbow Kitten Surprise. So there's no question that RKS is absolutely, without a doubt, our band. We'd seen them seven times before, but never in such a small venue. The club was called Dynamo. It had a capacity of around 500 people. The last time we saw RKS was at Electric Forest last summer, where they played in front of roughly 25,000 screaming fans. So, needless to say, we were stoked and super excited to see them in such an intimate setting. Really for the first time. Naturally, we got to Dynamo about four hours before the doors opened. I had prepared a gift bag with five of my talk in the attic beanies in there and a card thanking them for their music and for their inspiration to us. And my plan was to just throw it on the stage at the end of the show. But when we got there early, I'll be if it wasn't a rainbow kitten surprise of its own. There they were, RKS sitting there having lunch right outside the venue at an outdoor cafe. So I did one of those things where I walked up and said, Hey, not to interrupt. Which in doing so was interrupting them. But I have this, I have this gift for you. We're here from the US. We've seen you so many times. We're excited to see you tonight. Get back to your meal. Thank you so much. And took off. So we chatted for a little bit with them. They were cool, they were receptive. They didn't seem too perturbed that I that I did the old uh sorry to interrupt, interruption. Um and then we got back in line in front of the door where we were the sixth and seventh people there. And basically we were the we were the only seven people there uh until about an hour before the show. So we got there way early, but it was fun. We talked to these 18, 19, 20-year-old girls that are from Switzerland and from England. And just a different perspective talking to people from different cultures. It was really cool. Um, so we'd been in line for a bit, and then RKS came in and walked right by us to enter the venue to do their sound check. And wouldn't you know it, Charlie Holt, their bassist, the RKS bassist, was wearing an attack in the attic beanie. Um that was pretty dope. We got a picture together, and then later on the next day, the official Instagram from RKS actually featured a picture of Charlie wearing the attack in the attic beanie, so that was pretty dope. Pretty excited about that. Fast forward to the show itself. Granted, we got there so early that Jessica and I were posted up front and center, dead front and center, right on the rail. Literally three feet away from the band. Nothing between us. Fucking incredible. RKS has such a special spot in our hearts, and it felt great to be so up close and personal with a band that has really scored our love story since the beginning. It was a truly magical ending to our vacation. It was a great show. Everyone seemed up, everyone had great energy. It was really awesome. Really was. The next morning we woke up early, cabbed it back to the Zurich Airport before making our way home late Friday night, where I was reminded once again of something I've learned so many times before. Long vacations are the most relaxing way to get super burned out. Peace out, everybody.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

And real vacation first class. I'm breaking your fall, you're breaking my ass. You're working all day, hating on all the bitches at work. You say you're okay, you're vacin'. Fucked up, you drinking all day, you give me a cup, and I'll be damned if we can make it out of the slide.